Extreme vanity?

I was watching a Dr. Wayne Dyer lecture on PBS yesterday and something he said is very relevant to me. He advised that you need to live in constant gratitude: when you see a dime on the street, you should pick it up and be grateful. You should not get irritated because it’s not a quarter.

I’ll readily admit that I am not always grateful for what I have. In particular, I feel inadequate because I do not work on Wall Street as a banker. My conversations this weekend with the hot banker have rekindled these somewhat latent feelings.

The point is, I know I am smart enough to be a banker, I’m just frustrated I haven’t tried harder to become one. Instead I work as a bean counter and try to stay conscious by consuming lots of Starbucks.

In previous posts I talked about how I hoped that I would begin to regain my ego, my “edge”. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s happening because I just don’t feel the drive to be an accountant or to work in the “back office”. Nevertheless, lots of good could come of this if I channel it into productive actions.

In the interest of living in a state of gratitude (and not extreme vanity!!) here’s a very short list of what I have to be thankful for regarding my current job situation:

1. I have a job at an excellent bank
2. My job pays well & I have excellent benefits
3. The people I work with are extremely nice, not miserable, and I can tell they want me to be successful
4. My hours are excellent – typically out by 6 or 6:30. If I use my time wisely this leaves me lots of time to focus on self-improving things that will help my career (and goal of being a banker) such as:
1. Completing the CPA (February, 2007)
2. Study hard for the GMAT and break 700 (August, 2007)
3. Diligently prepare grad school applications (November, 2007)

My own hipocrisy

In the interest of self-reflection and self-improvement, I am trying to avoid behaviors that might cause other people to be uncomfortable.

On Saturday night I was talking to the bf about the different personality types of my two roommates. I told him that D (roommate 1) has a way of making people feel completely at ease. For example in the year and a half I've spent living with him, I've never felt uncomfortable if I had one of his beers or used some laundry detergent he had purchased. Conversely, he could have used anything of mine knowing that I wouldn't give a damn. Neither of us keeps score because we know it always evens out in the end.

Contrast that with K (roommate #2 and gf of roommate #1) -- I get the sense that K is indeed keeping score. The best example of this is yogurt -- we both eat the same kind of milk yet she insists on buying and opening her own carton. I'm sure she notices (and maybe gets annoyed?) if I were to use her stuff.

In a hypocritical manner, on Sunday morning I commented to the bf that he is a "hot sleeper." He's often very warm at night and somewhat sweaty. This is obviously something totally out of his control, and in no material way do I find it offensive. Nonetheless, I decided to tell him this for no particular reason other than that I found it slightly annoying when he was trying to cuddle with me. Even though I tried to say it in a nice way, I think he actually took it for what I was really saying.

Granted, this is very minor in the grand scheme of things, however it was unnecessary and I think I may have made him feel a bit uncomfortable and self-conscious. Overall, I think that I rarely say things that make other people uncomfortable but I strive to never do it.